


Still the same to me (One day one shot)

by Mindscape_13



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Zhengxi understanding acceptance selfloathing jianyi inlove crying love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26449171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mindscape_13/pseuds/Mindscape_13
Summary: Zhengxi tells Jian yi he still accepts him as is, and that he should accept himself too.
Relationships: Zhengyi - Relationship
Kudos: 15





	Still the same to me (One day one shot)

One day  
Jian Yi was trying hard to not let his thoughts overwhelm him.

It was late at night, and he should've been asleep hours ago. Yet, he couldn't close his eyes to sleep.

His mind was tormenting him and his heart was emotionally suffocating him.  
He couldn't hold it in this time.

He knew he'd one day end up confessing and losing Zhan Xixi but, dammit...

Why tonight of all nights?! He shouldn't have drink and thought it would help him.  
He bet Zhan Zheng Xi must be disgusted with him now. 

He's disgusted with himself now.

What a way to mess up the only good thing he had in his life.  
Tears rolled down his cheeks and he gripped his chest, his heart was aching fiercely with longing and yet breaking at the same time...  
These feelings..  
.  
These damn feelings...

He wished he was normal.

When the door of his bedroom creaked open, Jian tensed under the blankets and quickly shut his eyes. Forcing himself to breathe as if he was asleep.

Zhan Zheng Xi walked over to the coach where the blond was laying. It was dark and he could barely make out the outline of Jian Yi's body in the dark.

He went over and stared down at his best friend.  
For a few minutes that felt like hours.  
And he sat down with his back to the coach.  
"I know your not asleep." He whispered and waited for the blond to stop faking.

Jian Yi did. But didn't say anything.

They were silent for a few minutes before Zhengxi asked,  
"For how long?"  
Yi swallowed the knot in his throat.

"It doesn't matter for how long I've..." He trailed off and his tears fell.  
Zhan Zheng Xi leaned his head back against the arm of the coach.

Staring at the dark ceiling. "It does. To me. Everything about you matters to me Yi... You know that." He told the blond.

"I'm not mad at you for being disgusted at me Xixi... You don't have to pretend... This is pretty disgusting isn't it?" Jian Yi said with fake cheerfulness. 

Zhengxi turned his face and stared at the pale blond hair peaking out of the blanket. 

"I don't think your disgusting. It's just that... It's gonna take some time to get used to is all." He said honestly. Jian Yi smiled to himself.  
"Don't worry Xixi. You don't have to comfort the gay kid. It's not because I am attracted to you. It's because I am like this that disgusts me-"

Zhan Zheng Xi quickly removed the blanket from over his head and kissed his brow. Jian Yi's eyes widened.

"You need to stop flattering me. Your gonna make my ego explode." 

He teased.

Jian Yi just stared at him mutely with wide eyes.  
Zhengxi gave him a small smile. 

"Enough self torture okay? As long as you don't change who you are, then I don't care who you want to love. To me your still my best friend of a dork. You liking...the same gender doesn't change a thing.  
So accept that I accept you as you are, so that you can accept yourself. Because knowing you, your killing yourself over this too much.  
Now, it's late, go to sleep. We'll talk about this some other time." Zhan Xixi said, reaching out and brushing a lock behing his ear and getting to his feet.

"Go to sleep Jian Yi." He called out to him before closing the bedroom door.

Jian Yi lay there for a long time trying to understand what just happened.  
And when it did...

He smiled.

Zhan Zheng Xi was wrong about one thing...

His feelings for him won't ever change.

Because he just fell even more deeper in love with his best friend...


End file.
